Question & Answer
Fr. Bernard Nguyễn Trọng thưởng, CMC Phụ Trách

1. Choosing sex for a child?

Hello Fr. Bernard,

My name is TN. I am 20 years old. I would like to ask you about choosing sex for a child. Could you help me? My questions are:

It is possible now for couples to choose the sex of their babies. It can be done through aborting a fetus that is the unwanted sex and trying again, or it can be done "in the test tube" before the fertilized egg is implanted in the mother's womb.

1.What do you think of the idea of choosing the sex of a child?
2.Why do people do it?
3. Do you think it is a good idea? (TN)

Dear TN,
Parents choosing sex for their child is something beyond human boundary. It comes with the power to give life which belongs to God only. People are playing God in trying to do that. You mentioned aborting unwanted embroys or fetus or picking fertilized eggs in test tubes. Abortion is always evil in itselt no matter what is the purpose. Abortion cannot be justified by the purpose of choosing a child's sex. Fertilizing eggs in test tube denies the lifegiving previledge of sexual acts. It is immoral.

1/ Choosing sex for one's child is only wishful thinking and it has serious moral complication. Choosing by abortion is not different from killing a baby after birth just because he or she happens to be the unwanted sex. It is both cruel and immoral.

2/ Some people want to choose sex for their unborn child for many reasons: some just have the compulsive urge to control others; some are narrow minded in thinking that one sex is better than other; some have preference one sex over the other because of personal unpleasant experience. Some people are just psychologically imbalanced. There are many other reasons.

3/ I think it is a very bad idea in trying to choose sex for one's child. It is overstepping the boundary of freedom and human nature. A human being does not have the power to pick his/her own sex;  what if his/her child didn't like the sex which had been selected for him/her? The result of this attempt will be disastrous. It will produce  a monster out of science.

2. Why all Asian parents are so strick?

Dear Fr. Bernard,

Hi, I was just wondering how did God exist? I also wondered why all Asian parents are so strict? It seems like they don't trust us. Also, why do people of other races hate Asian? What's wrong with Asian? They made fun of us. I think they are jealous but I'm not sure. Can you give me advice? Thanks for your time. I want to say that I enjoy reading your teens puzzled. It helps me to understand things that I didn't know. May God be with you always! (Jeni)

Hello Jeni,
1/ God is the source of all existence. He simply exists. He has always been there since eternity and will be there for eternity. The whole universe with every thing in it, including us, depends on God's existence. Without God, there is no universe, nothing.

2/ I don't think all Asian parents are strict. Some of them don't even care where their children are and what they do. They only care about making money or enjoying themselves. That is why there are so many Asian gangs. Some of Asian parents are on the other extreme, very strict with their children because today teenagers are easily spoiled by their peers and the rotten idols such as music stars, movie stars. Most of those stars live lives indulgenced by drug, sex, and other harmful things. Look at teenagers in your school, the way they dress, their hair, their body piercing, their language, the way they act. Imagine that you are the mother of a teenager like that. How would you react? I don't think only Asian parents are strict. Many American parents are strict too. Parents are strict because they care and are worrying to death. Today there are so much bad influence floating around in people, television, the internet, and other media. Teenagers are so vulnerable to this unhealthy environment. If you easily buy into the bad stuffs that others and the media sell you, then your life is likely ruined. Even though I think some parents are strict to the point of paranoia (being crazy), but it is understandable that they are. They should try to understand their teen son/daughter's needs and fulfill the needs wisely. If your parents are too strict, try to talk to them or get a trustworthy adult to talk to them. Trust is something very fragile and must be built up gradually. If you want your parents to trust you, you must prove to them that you are trustworthy. Ask yourself how many times did you abuse their trust? If you violated other's trust once, it would take a while to regain that trust.

3/ Why do other races hate Asian? Well, some people hate because they are jealous. Asian students do very well in high schools, colleges and universities. Many Asians do very well in business. However, there is the other side too. There are Asian gangs selling drugs, killing each other, committing other crimes... There are Asians doing dishonest business, cheating on the law and others. This also is the cause for hatred. So try to be a good and loving person. If others hate you because of your race, it's their problem. If they attack you, notify the authority or tell your parents. Thank you for your kind comment. It's good to know that I can help. Write to me when you'd like to. God bless.

3. I hate Catholic school!

Dear Fr. Bernard,

Next school year I am going to High School. My parents want me to go to a Catholic High School for my own good. They are not too rich but willing to pay for my tuitions. But somehow I hate Catholic school. I get all kind of reasons not to go. I am kind of confused right now. Would you help me to decide for this? If I said "no", my parents would be disappointed; but if I said yes my life is going to be miserable. I don't have any friend at the Catholic school, I mean Asian; they are mostly white. I have read TTDM and really admire your answer. Thank you and may God bless you. (KD)

Dear KD,
You seem to have a very strong bias against Catholic school. You might want to ask yourself where does that come from. We should not form a judgment on anything before we have valid data and enough experience. You know that your parents want you to go to a Catholic for your own good. I assume that they know enough about this Catholic school to support it. You have "all kind of reasons not to go". You might want to ask yourself: are those "reasons" based on what you know for yourself or based on what others tell you; and they "happen" to be against the Catholic Church.

You should not be concerned about having no friend in the Catholic School. Most teenagers make friend wherever they go, so I don't think that would be a problem. Catholic schools like most other private schools are likely to have more quality in education. I write "likely" because I know that not all Catholic schools have more quality. But I trust in your parents' judgment. The choice is always yours. You could say "no" to your parents and shut out your chance to have a better education.  Or your could say "yes" and open yourself to a new environment promising new friends, new people and better education. After one year, if you decided that Catholic school was not for you based on your own experience and judgment, then you could always ask your parents to send you to public school.

So KD, pray and think about the choices presented before you and pick whatever you feel right. God bless.


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