Question & Answer
Fr. Bernard Nguyễn Trọng thưởng, CMC Phụ Trách

4. Is it bad to be pregnant?
Is it bad for a teenage girl to lose her virginity?

Dear Father,

Thank you for the advice and thank you for helping me understand better! Well, I got some more questions: Is it bad to be pregnant? Why are parents afraid of that? Is it bad for a teenage girl to lose her virginity? Well, I heard that most of them did; and they said it's not bad and they hid it from parents.

My brother was in a gang and he always was not home. My mom tried to stop him and talked to him about it, but all he did was just let the words in one ear and out the other. But now he is not a gangster any more and thanks God for that. However, I still miss him because he used come home and visit us every weekend; or we often spent a night at his apartment, but that doesn't happen any more. I pray to God that he comes again but it doesn't work. He always works and gets little sleep. I want him to stop getting little sleep. He is living with his girlfriend. She always tells him to work, work and work, or else she will leave him. He doesn't want her to leave. Right now I miss him very much. I wanted him to do what he was doing before like hanging out with us. He is getting thinner and doesn't eat much. Plus, his girlfriend is getting fatter. I don't know what to do. I do not like her!

Oh, one more question: can a ghost hurt us? I think it can. Well, thank you very much for writing to me and thank you so much for the advice. It really means alot to me. May God bless you! Sincerely, (Jeni)

Hi Jeni,
If a married young woman get pregnant, there is nothing bad about that; it is good news because a human being is about to be born in a loving family with parents committed to each other in a loving relationship, in marriage. However if a single girl get pregnant, it is a disaster because a human being is about to be born without a loving family to support him/her. You or anyone would not want to be born into the world in such a condition. We all want to be born into a loving and stable family and grow into a physically and mentally healthy human being. Children of unmarried parents are more likely to have problems in social life. Most teenage single mothers have to quit High School to get a job and live the rest of their lives in poverty. Pregnancy without a marriage is the cause of many social problems such as poverty, crimes, prostitution, running away from home, homeless... So it is a mess because people, especially teenagers, do not follow God's commandment: sex is for marriage only. In violating God's command, they destroy the order of life and they have problems. Parents are afraid that their teenage daughter gets pregnant because it is a great shame in Vietnamese culture. Outsiders would look down on the parents, saying that the parents could not educate their child.

A girl has no honor in losing her virginity willingly. She is a cheap girl. Her boyfriend has no honor either. He does not respect the one he loves, and ruins her life. In America, many teenagers do not listen to their parents, but to their friends. In many cases parents could not help it because they tried to talk to their children, but they did not listen. They should not be blamed. Many teenage girls dishonor themselves in losing their virginity, at the same time risking themselves infected with dangerous sexually transmitted diseases and ruining their very beautiful and precious lives. So it is very very bad for a girl to lose her virginity before marriage. She has no honor. Sexuality is a gift from God: He created human beings as male and female so that they could be united in marriage to give life, giving birth to children. When people have sex outside marriage, they violate themselves and others. They lose their integrity as human persons, acting like animals.

Your brother is a good example of the mess that people get into when they don't obey God's command. That is the bad consequence of a bad choice. If you want help him, you might want to tell him how much you miss him and want him to be happy, but what he is doing is making himself miserable. You might want to suggest that he leave his girlfriend.

I have never seen a ghost. So I am not sure if ghost exists. Deceased people could come back to us in some visible form to ask relatives to pay up debt or to make up for damage or asking for forgiveness... They could only come back if God permitted them to do so. I don't think ghost can harm us. Don't forget to pray and God bless.

5. Am I weird? Do I have a mental problems?

Dear Fr. Bernard,

I am having a serious problem and I am really scared about it. I am 18 years old now. I am a sensitive person. I don't have many friends. I am an introvert. I am affected by many movies on TV. People talk about sex; actresses' outfits are so sexy. I have not seen bad movies, only regular movies on TV. I do not know since when did I have those thoughts. I think that every body has sex. Sometimes, I think, what would happen if Jesus had a wife? I know this is very terrible. I do not know why did I think of Jesus that way. How could I do that? I was so scared and angry at myself but I could not get rid of this thought. I cannot tell anyone about this because I know it is the worst thing; no one has that thought. Now, I am unhappy, worried... I could do many crazy things. I wonder if I am crazy. Why am I not like other teenagers? Am I weird? Do I have mental problems? I guess so. It was really painful when I have to write this letter. Please help me. I really appreciate that. (Anonymous)

Dear Anonymous,
Thinking about sex is normal for a guy at your age. However, when you watch TV a lot, you notice that almost every show involves sex in some way. So if you watch TV long hours every day, it is not healthy. If you hang out with friends who talk about sex all the time, it's also unhealthy. You might want to choose new friends, spend less time watching TV. Find for yourself some healthy hobbies like sports, music... Being an introvert is OK, but don't hide yourself in the house. Go out sometimes and see what is going on in the world.

Convince yourself that sex is not every thing in life, there are other things more meaningful. Not every one has to have sex. There are people who choose to live a chaste life for God and others: priests, brothers and nuns. Your thought of Jesus being married was just accidental. Let it go and don't bother about it again. We believe in the Bible and the Church teaching. Both say that Jesus lived a chaste life as a celibate. Every Christian believes this historical fact. There is no doubt about this. So just forget about that idea. Don't forget to pray and good luck.

6. I have an answer to one of Nhi's questions.

Hi Fr. Bernard,

I'm writing to you not because I have questions or I'm confused or anything but because I recently read the Marian Teens section in the March issue, number 303. I read the questions Nhi had and your replies to her. You said that you didn't know the answer to her questions and if she did know the answer then tell you. Well I think I might have an answer to one of her questions or obstacles. She is asking why so many bad things happen to her and her family.

In my opinion, I believe that there is a reason to everything that happens. Whether it is a good thing or a bad thing. God has his reasons for it. I've learned that when something bad happens to me, I usually learn from it. So I think that God let those bad things happen so you could learn from it. Just like when my parents punished me for staying out too late, they didn't let me go anywhere, and I've learned. My parents didn't punish me because they wanted to. They punished me so that I could learn from it. But then again there are many questions of why God allows these bad situations occur. It may be just for experience. Also, Nhi feels like God has abandoned her. I don't think God has abandoned her. If He has, I don't think she would have anything left in her life because as I believe: God gives me everything I have in life.

When I read what Nhi had said, "I haven't really lost my faith that there is a God, but that he has abandoned me," the poem about God walking beside a person came into my head. How that person asked God, why it was only he walking in the sand during his hard times, and God replied that during those times God was carrying him. That poem came back into my head. God did not abandoned Nhi, if he has not come then I believe that he will come soon or later. Well, I think I've written enough. I hope I helped a little bit. That's just what I believe. I don't know if it's right or wrong. Like I said, that's what I believe. Much Love, (Kim Dung)

Hi Kim Dung,
Thank you for your contribution of thoughts. We would welcome your thoughts anytime. God bless.


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